This is my entry in the monthly group writing project “What I learned from..” hosted by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings.
When Robert put up the topic for this month’s WILF I was sure that he would be inundated with entries - coinciding as it is ( deliberately) with the US Presidential election. Flip that over to this side of the ocean - and over the other side of the Firth of Forth and we have an election later this week the outcome of which - depending on which papers you read - may well trigger an election of our own . The by-election for the town of Glenrothes in Fife is shaping up to be a fight between the current uncumbent party - Labour, the party of the UK Government - and the Scottish National Party ( SNP) the party in government in Scotland.
Anyway, I am not a political person in that I have no allegiance to any particular political party . I always vote in elections and will choose who I vote for on the basis of what I hear from the candidates that appeals to me personally - in relation to my family and wider community.
So , I have to get past my natural human instinct to vote for someone because I like how they look. This makes me sound really shallow. I really hope I am sure I am not alone in this….
I read body language pretty well. And indeed in a recent test as part of an Emotional Intelligence course I scored 35 out of 36 on reading the expressions from photographs which showed only eyes which according to the course leader means that I could make a mint from playing poker if I chose! So when I see a politician I am looking for clues in their body language which will provide evidence for me that they are saying what they really mean. In my speaking training I tell my students about how we receive more of a message from body language and tone than the words themselves. I won’t repeat the statistics here as there is a continuing debate on how accurate they are and I can’t validate it sufficiently to be satisfied myself and that is somewhat the point. I am looking - at all times - for something to back up my gut feeling ( and over-ride that superficial how they look issue..).
And this brings me to my point. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to find examples of a politician answering a direct question with “yes” or “no”. Learning to avoid those two words must be really challenging. I guess it gives them more time to elaborate on what they want us to know - which is not necessarily related to what they were asked about! As a coach I focus on asking open questions so that my clients cannot answer with one word. TV and radio interviewers seem to do the opposite and will often go back over and over again looking for that yes or no - and rarely getting it. So looking at how they act and listening to their tone is the only way to try to find out what they really mean.
Which brings me to the word “sorry”. A simple apology for something that you have responsibility for can made all the difference. I hear lots of “it is regrettable” type answers which sort of work. That’s why I really liked this recent article in the Times about getting saying sorry right - and indeed getting it wrong too. It made me laugh - but it also made me think.
As the politicians on both sides of the Atlantic try to get our attention ( and votes) i will continue to watch out for a stray yes, no or sorry ….but I am not holding my breath.
As is often the case a post by Steve Roesler at All Things Workplace got me thinking. I love his work. Take a look .
Steve raised the issue of the impact of the language you use. Often it is the inclusion of one small and apparently insignificant word that has the biggest impact.I met a guy yesterday who introduced himself as “just a student”! What is wrong with - “I am a student”? As a coach I am possibly particulary sensitive to the use of words. I look out for ” I will try to ..” instead of “I will…” as a clue to - or indeed a statement of - someone’s intentions. Oh and watch out for “I need to..” which says something quite different from “I want to..”
And then there is the use of negative language and phrasing . I was coaching someone for interview recently. We were looking through the list of essential experience in the job specification. ” I don’t have experience in that” she said to me as she pointed out one area (out of about 12). So # 1 - she was obviously not going to point that out at the interview herself (and her CV was silent on it) and # 2 - if she was asked about it directly in the interview she would respond with how she was a keen and quick learner evidencing it with stories of how she had taken responsibility for gaining required expertise in other areas - without the use of one negative word. It’s a challenge but worth thinking about. One tiny “no” or “not” can make a can make a huge difference.
And a final thought about the use of words like “nightmare”, ”tragic”, “horrific” . If they are part of your day to day vocabulary how on earth can you describe something truly awful?
So on this sunny Thursday I urge you to think about the impact the words you use have on what you mean to say. Have fun!
OK - this is a bit self indulgent but I am so proud of Chris Hoy. He is a local lad - went to the same school as my children and his first cycling club was based in the village where I grew up. Previously a dot on the map just outside the City of Edinburgh boundaries Danderhall has arrived!
It is a bit like LinkedIn and other social networking sites - I am connected to him in 3 ways - so he is my friend and I have every right to be proud of him.
I thought I should check the dictionary definition and my trusty Chambers 20th Century Edition ( dated 1970 - I should really get a more modern one) has it as
having excessive self esteem: arrogant: haughty
Oh dear.
Then I got to having a glowing feeling of gratification
well…maybe
Gratification is defined as
delight , feeling of satisfaction
Well that’s going to have to do.
So I am proud of Chris Hoy’s achievements - as they relate to my own self esteem based to what I said in my opening paragraph. Sounds a bit selfish really doesn’t it.
Maybe I should dust off my own bike to make me feel better.
Ethics - the science of morals.
Morals - directed towards right; capable of knowing right from wrong.
Yesterday I was contacted by a company telling me that they were interested in what I was doing. It sounded like a fact-finding call so I called back. You guessed - they were trying to sell me something - in this case ad space.
A couple of weeks ago I got a call on my mobile phone from a company that were - according to the caller - “subcontracted to my provider”. Not sure how you can be subcontracted to something - but as she asked for the “business owner” and my contract is in my own name it was clear that she and my provider were not on speaking terms no matter what she told me. She was from a company that gets you to switch your phone contract to them without you realising that is what you have done.
Last week a man called at my door. He opened with the line - “Don’t worry I am not trying to sell you anything..” which of course was exactly what he was doing. He asked me if I would take part in a survey and at the first question was my name I knew what he was up to.
All of these people sounded plausible - nice even. And indeed all of these people were just doing their jobs.
But are their tactics - or the companies’ tactics if you like - ethical?
Clearly the numerous unsolicited “offers” I get in my e-mail in-box can be ditched without reading as most, if not all , are totally unethical. But if the definition is that they know right from wrong then the others above might actually appeal to some people. So because I object does not make it unethical . Or does it?
