I meet lots of people in all walks of life but there are often some common themes.
When teaching speaking skills in particular where I used to expect the least confident participants to be quiet and to try to disappear so as not to be called to speak what often happens is someone who feels very uncertain about their ability to participate will be loud and have comments about everything. Then in the final speeches of the day the quiet ones sparkle show their skill and talent and the louder ones fade away and stuggle to perform.
The important thing for me as a trainer is to both notice when someone is trying to be invisible and to somehow get through the “bluster” early on so that that doesn’t happen.
I was thinking about how this translates in the workplace. I am sure we all know someone who quietly gets on with things and then performs brilliantly much to the surprise of their colleagues. And I am equally sure that the loud, sometimes funny/sometimes not employee who has something to say about everything ( and everyone!) struggles to show their real talent and their loudness is covering up their uncertainty about their talent.
I recall a colleague’s frustration with a promising new guy on his team who had been hired for his great skills and relevant work experience but who talked endlessly, loudly in a very engaging way - but without getting to the point and was proving to be a real disappointment. After a very stressful appraisal meeting it turned out the new guy was so in awe of my colleague that he felt that there was no way he could live up to his expectations. With that out in the open things went far more smoothly.
I expect that the attention in terms of professional or personal development might be given to the quieter employees to try to “bring them along” when really what the noiser one is doing is calling for attention - albeit not particularly effectively.
As a personal development coach I know how effective coaching can be for both groups by challenging a quiet thoughtful person with questions, giving them time to think, probing further and allowing for long silences. And cutting through the “noise” of the words used by the loud person - questioning what those words really mean and giving them safe space to be thoughtful and voice fears and concerns.
Effective coaching allows coachees to learn about themselves without someone judging them. Everybody has their own way of dealing with lack of confidence and when it is clear what that is it can be the first step to getting over it.
We are in the middle of a worldwide economic crisis. It is difficult to predict what is going to happen from day to day. There have been lay offs already and for many others there is a real possibility of losing their jobs. In view of this it seems likely that there will be a slowdown in certain sectors of the job market and more people looking for a new job.
OK - how does that opening help you if you have come to this post for some advice on leaving a job you hate?
Well I have coached enough people to know that the chance of turning a job round into something good is rarely totally hopeless. In a bouyant job market many people will opt to take their chances by jumping ship but it is worth thinking about frying pans and fires at the same time.
So before you make any decisions here are some tips for appraising where you are right now
I want to start by thinking about the positives.
Spend some time reflecting on
- what first attracted you to the job you are in?
- in what areas has it lived up to expectations?
- what have you achieved? Any surprises?
- what opportunities have you had ? What were the outcomes?
- who do you work best with?
- when did you last feel happy at work - what was going on?
- what have you celebrated with your team?
- what have you learned about yourself?
Now think about what you are not happy with
- when did you realise you were not happy? Was there a trigger?
- who have you found it hard to work with and why is that?
- how have you negotiated your salary package - what input did you have?
- how do you approach the management of your workload?
Now looking at the positives and the negatives together
- do you have a clear(er) idea of what you are looking for and what is stopping you from getting it?
- who can help with the issues that are turning your current situation bad?
- if there are problems with working relationships do you understand your impact on this?
- can you take steps to change how you react to situations that are currently making you unhappy?
You might work through these suggestions and still feel that the only option for you is to move on. Or you might find something that might help you find another, better solution where you are.
It might help to work through these questions with a friend or trusted colleague. Articulating your feelings out loud can be very helpful. Ask them to listen though and not to offer solutions.
Or you could consider working with a coach to help you work this out. If so - get in touch.
jackie@consultcameron.com
07775 823862
I have always believed that the responsibility for my personal and professional development rests solely with me. As an associate of Speakersbank I am required to be a member of a speakers club to support my own continuing development in that area. As a member of the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development ( CIPD) in the UK I am required to keep a learning record and learning plan. As a coach ( coaching is unregulated in the UK) I find ways to get feedback from fellow coaches - and clients of course. It makes sense to me.
Many people tell me that they were “told” by their employer that they had to do a specific course or learn a new skill or join an organisation. As is the case with little kids most of us still push against being “told” to do anything. A better way to look at any development is as an opportunity - to enhance your current knowledge and add more tools to your toolkit. Remember these are usually portable - and any future or potential employers might find them very attractive!
I met Moira for the first time at the speakers club last night and as there was a rail strike in progress I gave her a ride home. She has been involved in Toastmasters for a few years and is clearly and experienced and practiced speaker. I have taken on speaking roles in many forms in the past and I am delighted to have found the members of the club give good, meaningful and helpful feedback. I was surprised then when Moira asked
“What do you want to get out of being a member of the club?”
OK - it is fair to say that I have a lot of demands on my time so for me to sustain any longstanding connection with anything I have to be engaged with it. But you know - I had not really thought about why I really wanted to be part of it. Her challenge in my car meant that she was somewhat a captive audience while I talked out loud to get clarity.
Thanks for that Moira.
That’s what coaching does. That is the kind of question I ask my coachees. Of course practioners in any field often neglect themselves and it was a sharp reminder to me too. I am meeting with someone later who asks great coaching questions ( though she does not practice as a coach - watch for that. There are wonderful natural “coaches” out there) and I will explore it some more.
So here’s a suggestion for today -
Do you know why you are doing what you are doing? And if so - what goals have you set yourself to help you work out if you are doing it well?
I had loads of time to browse bookshops in Canada. I love wandering amongst shelves of books seeing what jumps up at me. I order most of the books that I know I want online - but I almost always come home with a book that I didn’t know existed if I have been in a real bookshop.
Even better ( and this appeals particularly to me as a Scot!) when I find a book in the “bargain” section. I discovered one by Tom Peters called “Talent - develop it, sell it, be it” for a whole $2.99 Canadian - which worked out at a grand £1.75!! It’s a wee book and a quick read but it really caught my imagination.
Not that there is anything new in it - just that the pages are sharp reminders of what we should all be doing in times of economic and job turmoil - as Tom puts it ” Being the CEO of Me Inc”. To do this he suggests that to understand your own personal brand you need to know who you are, why you are here, how you are uniquie, how you can make a difference and who cares ( including you yourself).
One of the coaching programmes I offer is called “What makes me so special?” It is based on 6 questions
- What is important to me
- What am I good at
- What am I passionate about
- What choices do I have
- What will success look like for me
- What do I want to be remembered for
Based on the answers to these questions I encourage clients to think about where they are now, what they are doing and how that might be different ( maybe better - but maybe just different!).
In the book , which was published in 2005 - Tom Peters says that in a fast changing business world we owe it to ourselves to have a plan for our future. It is my strong belief that we should not expect our employers to offer a job for life. Indeed the most successful organisations will be evolving all the time to thrive (and indeed survive). How that relates to how they treat their people is an issue for another time.
Over the past couple of days I have seen the pictures of the shocked employees of Lehman Brothers here in the UK leaving the building with boxes of possessions which possibly feels like the sum total of their experience with the company. This will be a sad/confusing/anxious time for most of them.
In a world of uncertainties why don’t you start thinking about your own “Me Inc” right now?
A couple of weeks ago I wrote about amibition and discected the word and meaning. With my passion for words I think I will make this a regular feature so here is my word for this week
Encourager - someone who inspires with spirit and hope..
Why?
I spent a couple of days with my colleagues from Speakersbank towards the end of last week. We were learning how to deliver another programme of training on public speaking and taking it into presentation skills.
A vital part of any Speakersbank training is the feedback. Although as a trainer I will give feedback throughout the day we also ask everybody to give feedback on each other’s performance. We believe that the learning from observing and noticing another performance can be as important as receiving feedback yourself.
The model we use is WIN with feedback - say what went well, suggest an improvement and end on something to do next time ( or what was wonderful, suggest an improvement, end on a nice comment).
We were learning together as trainers which in itself was a great opportunity to share good ideas. On the other hand that can sometimes be more daunting …after all we are supposed to be the experts. But of course experts always have more to learn.
One of our colleagues - Robin - when giving feedback said “I would encourage you to…” At first I didn’t notice and then when he had done this a few times we commented on how powerful that was.
To encourage someone to do something - to inspire, incite…wow!
Telling someone what you think is one thing. Giving meaningful feedback with examples for improvement is good - encouraging is great!
So I encourage you this week to be an encourager - and if you find that you have some dis -couraging tendencies I would encourage you to think about that too!
