Helicopter parents going to job interviews with their offspring!
According to a newspaper article I read on holiday some parents heavily involved in their children’s job search. As a parent of a recent graduate myself I had a strong desire to share my expertise and give advice on his approach to the world of work. I have helped him write his CV and made introductions to people I think might be able to help him. But that’s as far as I am willing to go. He needs to stand on his own two feet when it comes to actually going for and getting a job.
I went to a careers fair with my daughter a couple of years ago just before she was about to graduate. She just wanted company. She approached potential employers and did the talking. I gathered brochures and leaflets to fill the time. We went for lunch afterwards and discussed what she had learned. I think it gave us both a sense of perspective of what was out there. But she would have still gone alone if I had not been available.
The report mentions one parent calling a company who had offered their son a job to find out about the package that came with it but according to one employer in their experience the young people themselves are asking their parents to do this! Others have parents contacting them to find out about internships. I speak to loads of parents who are frustrated by the apparent lack of focus of their offspring in their approach to finding a job but – as far as I know – most of them draw the line at doing an internet search for information.
When I read the article initially it made me laugh…then I thought about it seriously. Parents want the best for their kids but that is based on their own frame of reference. The trick – and challenge – is to support them in getting information and listen as they work things through ….but to let them get on with the job search themselves.
Oh, and to be there with the tea and sympathy if they don’t get the first job they go for…and encourage them to – in the words of the song – “pick themselves up, dust themselves off and start all over again”…or something like that.
Sep 15, 2008
My father’s lone earliest advice to me when I was beginning to look for a college was “get a scholarship”. Which I did. Maybe it is my semi-blue collar background, but I couldn’t imagine having my parents that involved in my professional life. I don’t think I could even get over the embarrassment if they tried.
That being said, after I have gained some real world experience I find that I am going to my father more and more for professional and career advice. He is a manager of quite a few employees and has gone through similar experiences. I don’t think I would have been able to use this resource as effectively if I was not on my own for a bit.
Welcome Back!
Sep 15, 2008
Your Dad sounds great Dan. I guess it is about balance. The challenge for any parent is to judge that fine line between guiding and telling.
Sep 16, 2008
There’s nothing better than real life experience and learning the hard way. Talk about wanting things handed on a plate.
I know someone whose ‘parents’ just did way too much for their son, so much that he’s completely dependent on them at the age of 35.
It’s all laziness. I seriously dislike laziness.
Sep 16, 2008
Hi Rosie – learning to stand on your own 2 feet is a valuable lesson for life. Learning that who you know – added to what you know – can help is another. Sounds like your guy has learned neither. I expect that that is a situation neither he nor his parents are really satisfied with but it sounds like he does not have the energy – or the courage? – to do something about it.
Sep 16, 2008
Actually, it might be a good idea to go to the interview and interview the employer! Employers no longer seem to be ‘honourable’! It’s sad.
I think there might be a business in checking out employment contracts for young people and interviewing the people on whom they depend for training, future confidence, a future . . .
Sep 16, 2008
Hi Jo. Maybe there is a new role out there for a mentor/buddy for young people entering the world of work for the first time. A person who can support them to decide what they need to know, how to ask the questions for clarity to help them make decisions and how to take action when things go awry. Sometimes a parent is too close to be objective – and the young person themselves might benefit from someone who has less emotional investment.
Sep 25, 2008
I have really mixed feelings about helicopter parenting. I agree that independent thought and action are to be encouraged in our children. Of course the plan should be to limit parental hovering over time.
Having said that, I worked for several years in higher education and saw too many new college students fall by the wayside, because college administrators insisted that parents be hands off.
I think life transitions such as high school to college or college to career are times that call for support. We encourage mentoring relationships in the workplace and so balancing advice from supportive parents with workplace mentoring can give good results.
Here are a post I wrote about helicopter parenting in June:
Are Helicopter Parents Important?
Sep 25, 2008
Hi Marcia – it sounds like the balance you advocate for parental involvement and support is just right. On the other side of this some parents want to help but don’t know how – how do we help them? And others are just plain not interested. How do those young people find the support they so sorely need?
Oct 29, 2008
[...] while back I posted about helicopter parents and their impact on the world of work. Over the past few days I have been part of a thread about [...]