How much should a parent influence their children’s career choices?
I met up with former colleagues that I haven’t seen for a while . As is usually the case we got talking about our various offspring and what they are up to now. Compared to them I had my babies really young as they all still had kids in school. We started to chat about how we ended up in our careers. It will probably come as no surprise that most of us had been influenced to some extent by what our parents wanted us to do. In my family nobody had gone onto University from school and this was echoed by a couple of the others. There was a message somewhere about our parents wanting something “better” for us. We are living in a different time now though.
Leap forward to 2008 and we considered how we were influencing the choices of our own children and I guess it fell into
- those who tried hard not to direct but could see the benefits of our own career routes and maybe pointed them out
- those who actively discouraged entry into our own profession
- those who stayed completely out of it truly leaving the choices to the young people themselves
I also know that there are parents who feel they missed an important opportunity and might – just might – be pushing their children to fulfil it for them. I have never heard this from a parent – but I have from their sons and daughters!
Here in the UK some choices about future careers impact on the choices of subjects studied at school so the conversations in this arena can start with 12-13 year olds. This is a toughie because I personally believe that at that age the most a youngster should really have to be concerned with is the latest music/fashion. They can worry for many many years to come ! But then I believe that life’s journey is full of twists and turns and decisions made can be changed later.
Ah – I hear you cry – but if you want to be a doctor for example you have to focus on that from an early age. And I know that is true. But I think that being a doctor is a calling and a youngster who sets their sights on that will know what is involved.
Doctors aside most other professions and careers can be entered at a variety of ages.
My own children were determined not to follow in their parents’ footsteps. But my daughter is enjoying working in the people management side of an organisation. This is her choice but of course I could give her information and introduce her to colleagues to inform her decision. My son is a designer. Neither of us are in that field though I am really creative – but we can support his business choices. Is that influencing? I guess it might be .
There is no one right way. It is likely that you know your own children better than anyone else. But I believe that the young people entering the world of work today also have access to so much more information generally and are therefore influenced by so many other factors in their choices. Of course we should be alarmed that in a recent survey young girls aspired to be WAGS ( wifes and girlfriends of professional footballers). And I am concerned that some young people in Scotland were in danger of missing an important school exam by taking part in an X-Factor audition the day before.
Maybe the most important thing a parent can offer at this time is a sense of perspective.
And of course – continuing unconditional love and support.
May 25, 2008
No one supported a process where there child explores options, thinks things through,etc. Everything concentrated one which choice?
May 26, 2008
Some parents want their children to achieve what they never did. Especially those coming from a point of survival, e.g. first generation immigrants.
That said I do believe that the options open to young people to do are huge. Some professions or callings as you said like medicine need early starters. Personally I just wish schools would stop encouraging students into media studies!!!!
May 29, 2008
Jo – supporting the exploration – with a little direction sounds like a good solution.
May 29, 2008
David – so many choices!And some more obviously attractive than others.
Oct 12, 2008
you said “But I think that being a doctor is a calling and a youngster who sets their sights on that will know what is involved.”
and-
“Of course we should be alarmed that in a recent survey young girls aspired to be WAGS”…
being an artist, wife, doctor, designer are all callings. Ain’t no difference if you’re unhappy at the end – finding your calling is more important than guiding your children towards what society deems a prestigious career choice.
Understanding what happiness means to the extent that they are given the opportunity to experience travel, new cultures, different lifestyle settings, the ability to interact with people who are currently passionate about their “callings” – that seems to be a good place to start.
Putting your own opinions, ideas about the future and projections of what you didn’t have out of the picture, sidelined because of the innocent eyes of someone younger than you has the ability to see a world with fresh eyes. Observe and learn from them, help them find happiness by giving them freedom.
Oct 12, 2008
Lightpresent – I so agree that younger people have the ability to see the world with fresh eyes. There are paths to careers – and paths to happiness – and sometimes they are the same, sometimes they cross over and sometimes they are completely separate. The tricky balance for many parents is to allow the freedom to think and explore and giving gentle guidance.
Thanks for your comment