Discussing workplace issues around absence management a group of HR Managers took part in role play. Our task was to act as either the employee ( with issues) who had been turning up late for work or the HR Manager who had the job of finding out what was going on!

In preparation the presenter did an excellent session on listening skills and reminded the audience that the questions should be “open”.

That’s all well and good but – as many people pointed out after we were done – keeping questions open is hard! (Obviously – as a coach – I have to ask open questions otherwise my clients would get nowhere.)  Add to that the difficulty of when you think you either know the answer to the dilemma being explored or your own position on the situation is clear and you are unlikely ( or unwilling) to change your stance.

So asking open questions – with an open mind – can be particularly challenging.

In the roleplay the employee had been coming in late because she had broken up with her partner and she was struggling to get over it. In addition that partner was a colleague and he had recently been made her boss! ( It happens). In the preparation phrases like “swinging the lead” were used along with “let’s get to the bottom of this”. I know we were acting in this situation but I expect you can imagine this happening for real.

On open questions I remember someone telling me that they always remembered the key words by calling them “5 bums in a bed”. I really wish I had the talent to draw it but picture this if you can – what, why, where, who,when or 5 w’s – sitting on the bed – the H of how. Got it? No…?

Anyway, moving swiftly on, I personally find the “why” the hardest to use.  For me asking why can veer from the highly judgemental  ”why on earth would you do that” to a softer  ”I am interested in why you made that choice”. Regardless it is often viewed as a challenge to the person being asked. I am more inclined to ask ” I would love to hear more about that”. If there is one question which is likely to “leak” your own views on a situation it is one starting with “why”? It’s not so much asking someone to justify or explain an action or choice as to talk about it.

In the roleplay, although I did not know the lady I was working with, I sensed that in real life she was a good person so when she gave me a sign that she actually cared about “my” situation I opened up to her and we came to a mutually satisfactory conclusion. So in 20 minutes the situation was clear, a discussion on how to move forward had happened and commitments were made on both sides. Could that happen in the real world – I guess you won’t know until you try.