In the world of social networks it has become relatively easy to connect with people that before you might have had to work very hard to get to meet never mind get to know.  This can be really rewarding. The opportunities to co-create and  collaborate that flow from those connections can be huge.

But some people miss the link between connecting and forming a relationship.

And this is where they run into trouble.

I was struck by this post by Alison at Ask a Manager ( her posts are always such good value!). When I was reading it I  was thinking that someone was having a laugh. But then I read Alison’s response and I realised that that has happened to me too.

I have had emails from people I have no relationship with asking me to help them get a job . I offer coaching for job search . My clients pay for that.  When I respond that way I don’t hear from them again. Worth a try maybe …

I regularly get invitations to connect from people ( who usually say I am their friend in the invitation – don’t get me started) who when I ask them why they  want to connect with me tell me it is because they want to find a job in Edinburgh, or with a company that I might know … . They admit completely up front that they want to connect with me so that they can use me or my contacts to help them without so much as sending me a personal LinkedIn message to explain that. I still might not connect but at least they would have taken the time to say hello .

The trickier area is when someone asks me to make an introduction to someone else when we only barely know each other.  How can  I honestly say to someone who trusts me that they should meet someone I know nothing about?

I am happy now to respond with a simple ” I am sorry but I can’t help you with that ” kind of message. I am sure someone will. And I understand that times are tough out there.

But it’s in times like these that it is even more important to spend time on relationships – maintain the ones you have and to work on developing new ones .  That way  you are increasing the the chances of other people stepping up to help you all the time.

Over time we have built up stamina . When we started we struggled with a couple of miles but now we can easily cover 5 or more in a couple of hours ( including a short coffee break most times)…until today.

We set out as usual. This time we decided on a coastal walk. Although it was cold the sun was shining and we stepped out at a pace that got our hearts pumping -

( side story on this. At a recent basketball game one of the players’ daughters ( aged 10) heard us planning our walk and told us how powerwalking worked. She said that we should also up our pace each time we went out..it really made us smile )

After walking for an hour or so we turned to walk back to our starting point. What had been easy at the start now became very difficult. We had not noticed that the (strong) wind was behind us in the early stages and now it was blowing fiercely into us. At some points we were having to lean into the wind and we were struggling to talk as we ploughed on.

We were very pleased to get back to the car. We both ached. The feeling of tiredness was good…

It could have been a setback. But we noticed what was different today . It won’t be like that every time.

Life can be like that. We set out on some new enterprise, the learning and practice is hard to start with and then we get the hang of it . Then something comes along to change the circumstances and it throws us off course. It only needs to be temporary but sometimes we make much more of it than we should and take it as a setback.

It doesn’t need to be that way.

Working with a coach can help you make sense of what is or has happened and to map and plan your way forward. For a no obligation chat get in touch

What she said really got me thinking. There are some jobs – or aspects of jobs – that are so valuable but not really visible. I know from the work I do with people during their jobsearch that the “professional” does not even notice themselves. So I started to think and here are some initial thoughts . I would really like you to add to them.

Anybody can cut hair  - scissors, hair, chop – but not everybody can create a style that suits

Anybody can tap letters on a keyboard to write words – but not everybody can write content that others want to read

Anybody can answer a phone – but not everybody can make the caller feel listened to or important

Anybody can add up numbers – but not everybody can make those numbers fit with into a big picture

Anybody can speak – but not everybody can make what they say compelling, interesting or persuasive

Anybody can fry an egg – but not everybody can make it taste wonderful

Anybody can draw a line with a ruler – but not everybody can put that into a plan

Anybody can pull a pencil across some paper  - but not everybody can create a sketch that could be hung in a frame

Anybody can listen  - but not everybody can understand and use what they have heard ( I have worked with people with hearing difficulties – they listened in different ways!)

Can I ask 2 things?

1 Think about the skills you have that you might say ” ah but anybody could do that…” – and ask yourself if that is true

2 Add to this list with your own ideas!

And then fate came in and it all had to come to a stop!

Firstly my PC died…and for anyone who has had that experience I know you will empathise with what felt like a loss of an old friend and panic about what I was losing with it! But all was good and I was up and running in next to no time. Phew.

And then – a  couple of trusted friends told me that there was a virus on my website.  That did it…the time had come to call in the experts. No matter how self sufficient I would like to be with the technology and tools I use I had reached my limit. So I met Fraser who was going to firstly going to save my content and then build me a new site that will be fit for purpose. You might be reading this in newsletter format – and if you are I would love it if you would click here and see what the site looks like. If you are reading this on my blog – be what do you think? ( and if you want to get these by email just let me know here

Getting your headline right 

The importance of posting an update

Choosing who you invite to connect with you

Choosing who you connect with

And post number 5 that got lost in the transfer

LinkedIn Tip  #5Keeping track of your contacts

So there you go….all up to date.

I know it’s cliched – but if you like what you see please tell your friends – if you don’t please tell me!

It was both an eye-opener and a bit of a disappointment. Some of those who didn’t stand out at school were now very successful and nice people to boot ( not that those 2 things are mutually exclusive you understand) and some of the others were – well – just normal and just like me.

Of course a lot of that was about confidence – teen confidence and 30 something confidence are a bit different.

But human nature often pulls us towards comparing ourselves to others.

Some of that comes across when I speak to people in their career transition and is often manifested by looking at what others are doing and aspiring to that rather than really looking at themselves and what they really want to do themselves.

Some of the younger folk I meet compare themselves to family members – “successful” parents and siblings – which hinders real thought into what success would look like for them.

There will probably be times when having a comparison can be helpful . I remember thinking that someone I thought had a great job  until I got the chance to have a glass of wine and relaxed chat with them and they told me that that was the first evening that they had not been in the office until 10pm that month. That soon put things into perspective.

So – who are you comparing yourself with right now? And just how helpful is that?

My friend had decided that the time had come for her to change jobs . She thought maybe she would change careers. She had ideas  that we explored over dinner and through a few emails. Then it went quiet.

We try to meet a couple of times a year . We always have a lot to catch up on and we make promises that we will try to meet more often …

So it had been 6 months or so since we last were in touch.

“No progress?” I asked “Really? Absolutely none?” ( those of you who know me will know that those questions were accompanied by a “look” of scepticism. As a coach I try hard to keep me and my thoughts out of my questioning but  - sometimes it is not possible!)

She shook her head sadly.

She told me about the conversation with her boss that had led to some new understanding but….. She had started networking and had met some interesting new people and had learned a lot even grudgingly admitting that she now saw the potential but……

After we last met she had  taken time to draw up a list of pros and cons of her current job at the time and was surprised how many pros there were. She still had that in her filofax and I suggested she look at it again. Had anything changed?

The problem with my friend is that she had put  no means of tracking her progress in place  so she had nothing to check back on. If she had set herself some goals she had only done so in her head – and to continue the analogy  - had probably  moved the goalposts. In fact that pros and cons list showed that she could delete one of the cons . She also deleted one of the pros but as we chatted she replaced it with another .

When we are feeling disheartened it is usually easier to say that “nothing” has worked than to try to sort out and recognise what has.

Some people find journalling helpful. Others write down goals. Some will rely on the regular performance appraisal meetings at work ( though a surprising number of people still tell me that there is nothing like that for them!).

For me blogging helps. I write about what is happening to me – what I am learning, who I am meeting, how I am developing ideas, where I am getting my information from. I realised how much I rely on this when my website was temporarily on hold over the past month or so. From time to time I will dip into the archive and it always surprises me how much I have done/learned/moved since then.

My friend has decided to journal. She intends to keep it short and simple – maybe even a few sentences a couple of times a week –   but it will remind her of where she has been and encourage her keep going.

How do you know when you have made progress? If you don’t – what are you going to do about it?

So I took advice and decided now was the time not only to sort out the virus but to actually sort out the site. When Mike – who has been alongside me since I started blogging – said that in his view my site was not doing my business justice I bit the bullet and hired Fraser of boom digital .

In the meantime I stopped blogging. I thought taking a break would be good for me too. I had a holiday during that time and I decided that I would cut myself off totally from logging on.  Taking time to think was very therapeutic…for a while.

But one of the benefits of blogging for me is that it gives me the opportunity to reflect/think out loud and more and more ideas were coming into my mind. I could have written up posts and saved them for the “relaunch” but I have been in the habit of posting what I think is relevant and at the time I think of it.

So  - the site is ready much sooner than I thought it would be and I am ready to go (thanks Fraser). Let’s hope that the pent up ideas will flow now that I can blog!

If you have been to read my blog before then thank you for coming back. If this turns out to be your first time – welcome!

And please let me know what you think of the site. Press the comments button above and away you go…….

So in the meantime there will be no more blog posts here – but please come back when it’s back – bigger and better!

” A person’s status as his or her estimation of self worth rather than the estimation placed on that person by others.”

and follows this with

“It is a personal and internal judgment and as such is completely-self controlled — nobody can ‘make’ you feel unimportant .”

Oh so true…

I have met people whose ranking  on an organisational chart might be several layers below the CEO but who believes – truly – that they are just as important. That what they deliver in their job matters.

And I have met people who tell me that they are “just a…”  [whatever they define themselves as] which screams that that is what they think of themselves .

Now when I mention topics like this in Scotland I am often met with

“Oh well you don’t want to get above yourself do you?” – to which the question has to be ” by what measure?

or ” I don’t want to sound big headed” – and again “by who’s standards?”

Playing down your skills, talents and experience only does a disservice to you yourself – it will have limited impact on anybody else. But go ahead and do that if it makes you feel better. And when you have  -  watch those who pass you by and get the “good jobs”

If you think the time has come to consider what you are truly worth  - to your existing or to a potential employer – but need some help why not get in touch for a no obligation chat about how coaching can help jackie@consultcameron.com

AND -  if you have not signed up for the Harvard Business Review ( HBR)’s daily updates – do yourself a favour and do it now!  www.hbr.org

This is the fourth in a series of hints and tips aimed at helping you make the most of LinkedIn. You can find the earlier ones here.

Choosing who you connect with