The trouble with truth

While  researching methods of encouraging discussion in groups I was reminded of World Cafe conversations which were used at events I participated in a few years ago. The World Cafe website is really worth a look but what struck me specifically was this statement under “Explores the questions that matter”

“Our experience has been that questions which focus on “What is useful here?”, are more effective at generating engagement on the part of participants and tend to provoke less defensive reactions than questions which focus on “What is true?”"

My husband’s ( I have said before he is a very wise man) response to my distress after a very trying day where accusations of wrongdoing had been hurled at me was -

“just because someone said it does not make it true” and I have reminded myself  – and others – of this since.

At the other end of the spectrum maybe lies

” I don’t believe him/her..” which may also mean “I didn’t get the answer I wanted”

In each of those statements one person’s version of the “truth”  appears to be at odds with the other’s.

Now I can understand why the truth in court is important – ie to establish where someone was , what they were doing, what they were wearing. The things that  have yes or no answers.  Lawyers are however adept at asking questions to get to the truth for the less certain – particularly for motive. Defence and prosecuting lawyers will have differing views of this.

For most of us this sort of adversarial questioning is rarely part of our lives but there might be situations where ( apparent) conflicts have to be resolved. Asking “what is useful here” seems like a good start to me.

As a final thought…elsewhere on the World Cafe site there is mention of having a token which – in a group discussion – is held by the person speaking meaning that everyone else must only listen at that point . No interruptions. I have seen this work very effectively and powerfully in a highly charged meeting. And indeed have watched children learning to listen using the same method.

Listening to the another point of view can be very helpful for putting your own “truth” into context.