Why small talk is important in social networking
I recently attended a seminar on networking for business. The speaker described the model he used which started with meeting, moved onto building relationships and then finally led to doing business together.
To start he set us a group activity where he asked us to choose 1 of 4 topics – food/holidays/books/movies. Then he asked us to introduce ourselves to someone we did not know and to have a 5 minute chat without talking about what either of us did for a living. The energy in the room suggested that this was both an easy and enjoyable way of getting to know someone.
I learned this technique a few years ago. I have a poor memory for names (I really do try). I am quite good with faces though and often remember something from the previous conversation – about a holiday or great book – that means that reconnecting is easy and with a few skillful questions I can get round to remembering out their name. ( If that fails I just ask – most people will be kind enough to say that they suffer from the same affliction!)
Now for a while I have been thinking about why I find some online interactions uncomfortable – especially Direct Messages on Twitter when I follow someone new and I realise that some people jump to stage 3 – as if the mere fact that we are in touch means that we have broken the ice and formed a relationship already and that I want to buy something from them.
I think the power of Twitter in particular is the ability to indulge in “small talk”. Like what are you doing today? Have you had your first coffee? How’s the weather where you are? Asking about family members, recognising and celebrating events ( birthdays, anniversaries, the 1000th post on your blog) all help build relationships.
These kind of Tweets are the ones that the “non – believers” often dismiss as a waste of time but I believe – in context – they have the ability to be incredibly valuable.
Would love to hear what you think.
Jun 18, 2009
Very well said and if I wasn’t blocked behind a firewall right now, I’d retweet this to all!
Jun 19, 2009
I have a picture of you in my head stuck behind a wall of fire! Thanks Lisa
Jun 24, 2009
To say that I am socially challenged, would be likely saying the sky is blue, the sun is yellow, and dreary skies are gray. Which probably explains why too many of my tweets are either self-serving or mindless exhalations. However, have no fear, I have a point.
To get to know someone, whether ongoing or recently met, ask three questions about them. Do this first first and listen to those responses.
That is one thing missing on tweeting – the three questions that answer, tell me about you.
I need to go tweet someone. Tell me three things about you that I don’t know.
Jun 24, 2009
Great idea, Bob – and thanks for sharing.
Jun 24, 2009
Jeffrey Gitomer and others have pointed out that everybody loves to buy, but no one likes to be sold. The jump-right-to-selling folks miss that key insight.
Jun 24, 2009
Ah tweet norms are odd. At first we shyly follow and hope to be followed back.
Then when we get to be a big kid in the playground we don’t follow back anymore but maybe follow if someone speaks up and says something interesting. Or maybe not.
The nice thing about contemporary conferences though, is that people put their name and twittername on their badge – nothing else. So people chatter away without shyness that comes from knowing who someone “is”. A bit like talking to people on aircraft.
For the “serious” who find small talk hard, I would suggest this. Maybe the other person is shyer than you? Help them feel at home as you would a guest in your own home.
Jun 24, 2009
Hi Wally – thanks for the reference to Jeffrey Gitomer – this is something my husband has been saying for years ! But we buy from people…and you whilst you don’t really need to like them enough to be good friends, knowing them can make the transaction so much more satisfying all round.
Jun 24, 2009
Hi Jo – a great suggestion. If someone seems quiet and unsure asking a couple of gentle questions to engage them can make a huge difference to making them feel part of what is going on…then it is up to them to take it forward.
Thanks for this