I meet lots of people in all walks of life but there are often some common themes.

When teaching speaking skills in particular  where I used to expect the least confident participants to be quiet and to try to disappear so as not to be called to speak what often happens is someone who feels very uncertain about their ability to participate will be loud and  have comments about everything. Then in the final speeches of the day the quiet ones sparkle  show their skill and talent and the louder ones fade away and stuggle to perform. 

The important thing for me as a trainer is to both notice when someone is trying to be invisible  and to somehow get through the “bluster” early on so that that doesn’t happen.

I was thinking about how this translates in the workplace. I am sure we all know someone who quietly gets on with things and then performs brilliantly much to the surprise of their colleagues. And I am equally sure that the  loud, sometimes funny/sometimes not employee who has something to say about everything  ( and everyone!) struggles to show their real talent and their loudness is covering up their uncertainty about their talent.

I recall a colleague’s frustration with a promising new guy on his team who had been hired for his great skills and relevant work experience but who talked endlessly, loudly in a very engaging way – but without getting to the point and was proving to be a real disappointment. After a very stressful appraisal meeting it turned out the new guy was so in awe of my colleague that he felt that there was no way he could live up to his expectations. With that out in the open things went far more smoothly.

I expect that the attention in terms of professional or personal development might be given to the quieter employees to try to “bring them along”  when really what the noiser one is doing is calling for attention – albeit not particularly effectively.

As a personal development coach I know how effective coaching can be for both groups by challenging a quiet thoughtful person with questions, giving them time to think, probing further and allowing for long silences. And cutting through the “noise” of the words used by the loud person – questioning what those words really mean and giving them safe space to be thoughtful and voice fears and concerns.

Effective coaching allows coachees to learn about themselves without someone judging them. Everybody has their own way of dealing with lack of confidence and when it is clear what that is it can be the first step to getting over it.