This is my entry for Robert Hruzek’s group writing project - What I Learned from Transportation

Before I start I don’t blame EasyJet for this. It just so happened that I was on one of their planes when it first happened. For non UK readers EasyJet is a low cost airline here in the UK. One of the first - if not the first. Their launch coincided with my then employer opening an office in St Albans outside of London and as they flew to Luton airport only a 20 minute ride away the timing was perfect.

So I became a regular traveller  with them.Their livery colour is bright orange and the staff are usually chirpy and cheery. They were on that day. As is the case on low cost though you have to buy your coffee  so I remember looking round to attract the attendent’s attention and wham! I broke out in a sweat and felt like I was having a heart attack. Of course I knew that I wasn’t - but I was terrified anyway.

The attendant came to me and took my order. Obviously they did not notice my discomfort. I had done a good job of hiding it . I drank the coffee and counted the minutes until I could get off the plane.

I had a day of meetings planned  and all the way through I was thinking about having to fly back. By the time I got back to the airport I was so tense I ached. And when I got home I was exhausted.

This was the start of the pattern for me. Of course panic attacks - for that was what I had experienced - are not rational or logical. But I attached being on public transport to bringing on an attack . And so the two became inextricably linked.

As my job required me to travel widely this was a problem. A big problem. I shared what was going on with any travel companion I had but otherwise I did everything in my power to hide my symptoms from others . Buses were not too bad as I could just get off at the next stop…but I needed to force myself to stay on otherwise I would never get anywhere.

Then I could not sit in an theatre without having an attack….what next. Suddenly my life was becoming so full of stresses that I realised I  needed help. My GP ( doctor) was great. Very understanding and keen to help me. I was given support by way of psychotherapy ( I really did need to understand what was going on ) and I learned relaxation techniques using self hypnosis.

I don’t have panic attacks now but I know that I could bring one on if I focused on doing so - which of course I won’t. Very, very occasionally - always when I am travelling - I feel the little lurch which used to signal the start of an attack but I know how to diffuse it.

I understand that many people who suffer panic attacks do so while travelling - on planes, boats, trains, buses….they have my sympathy!

But I learned that there are ways of understanding and dealing with panic attacks and I would urge anyone whose life is being disrupted because of them to seek help now!